"I wish I had 4 hands so I could give those titties, 4 thumbs down.. HA HA HA"- Rick James
I’m going to give you a little run down of my morning..
8:45- Get a text from my buddy Michael asking how he should search for Eva Mendes sex tape without looking suspicious at work.. I ask “Why would you do that?”
8:47- He replies “Oh well you haven’t heard? Supposedly Eva Mendes has a sex tape coming out today.”
8:48- OH..MY..GOD.. The Holy Grail of all sex tapes. I jump out of bed, run down to the family desktop.
8:50- To my utter dismay, I come to find out that it’s all fake. A publicity stunt by Funnyordie.com to promote “The Other Guys.” Mother Fucker.
8:52- I slowly walk up stairs get back in my bed and weep my self to sleep for another hour before I have to go to the DENTIST… Thanks for nothing.
Alright so needless to say, I didn’t start out the day with the most positive state of mind. After that enormous letdown, I had some woman waging guerrilla warefare on my teeth, at one point you would have thought I suffered a gun shot wound to the mouth I was bleeding so bad (apparently I had inflammed gums, floss much?)
On to my next point, FUCK YOU EVA MENDES! How dare you?! You cock tease, you a large percentage of the male population take time out of their days to watch your shitty promo on funny or die. Leave the comedy to the professionals and you just keep wearing bikinis and skin tight pants.
Let’s talk about something else, how bad does The Other Guys look? I mean judas priest, you have Will Ferrell who really goes out of his comfort zone playing the idiot savant. Then you have Marky-Mark trying his stint in comedy, which I’m sure will be nothing less than god awful. To top it all off, we have Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson starring as a major player in this movie, GIVE ME A BREAK. You know if you have that no talent ass clown in your movie then you are totally fucked. Let’s not forget this was the guy who starred in a movie where he prented to be a tooth fairy and professional hockey player. DONT THINK WE FORGOT DWAYNE. Bottom line, The Other Guys will go down as one of the worst tragedies that has ever happened to cinema, I hope all investors in that movie lose money and suffer from serious diahrrea due to food posioning.